I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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