Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
