I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
