Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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