you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
