i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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