She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
