He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
