I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
