Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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