My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
