I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
