I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
