I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
