There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
