Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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