guys are not supposed to queef...right?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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