I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
