I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
