He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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