i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
