Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
