I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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