Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
