Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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