I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
