Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
