he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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