I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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