Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
