UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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