I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
