We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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