i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
