we have pet lesbian snakes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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