so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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