I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
