HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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