ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
