is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
