This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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