The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
