This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
