worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
