then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
