It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
