wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
