got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
