Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i out mim tonsoeep
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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