When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
